I went out into the world with good intentions. I had a smile on my face. I had music in my ears, it was raining, I was happy. When you are a middle aged woman however…you could be naked and eating baby animals and no one would see you. I went into a honey shop, and wandered around and was pretty intrigued by all the cool stuff. I went in because a sign out front said COME IN AND TRY OUR MEAD. ok! Sounds amazing.
There were only two people in the store and me. So I then see two girls walking out with coffee. COOL! I really left the house with intent to find coffee. How cool that the place I wandered into has coffee! I wander to the back, there is coffee. I stand there and stand there and stand there. I start to wander away…the girl who works there appears completely annoyed by me.
‘Do you want drip?’
Uh, I guess so. ‘Yes!’ I smile.
‘Room for cream?’
“Yes, that would be great!’
I stick my credit card into the space age dynamic that takes our money now…I am looking at the mead counter and menu.
“I wanted to try some mead too!’
“Do you want the coffee first or the mead?”
“I need coffee.”
“I just need your signature.” Her way of saying GET YOUR CARD OUR OF THE READER – because there is no signature, I just needed to press one more thing to finish the transaction.
She puts a carton of cream on the counter. I take it with me to the coffee thermos thingy on the counter – which is…like church coffee so why are you being such a bitch? I bring the creamer back to her as she is standing there waiting for me and I can’t help but feel daggers.
I screw the lid on, smile, set it back down as she seems to urgently need it back.
I walk over to the mead bar area, which is a full set up of a giant bar inside of this bee store. “Are you going to sit down?”
“No, I just wanted to try some mead.” Am I mumbling?
‘It’s ten dollars for a flight of …..” She shoves a menu in my direction.
“I just wanted to taste it thanks bye.” BITCH. Wow. I had money to burn in my pockets, I was all chatty and happy and she was all snarly and mean.
If some of you have businesses and you wonder why sales are down, it might be because you have annoying, cunty people working for you.
I then went to The Peppercorn – an amazing shop full of anything to do with food, eating, cooking and kitchens. Three times I stood at the knife counter…picking up knife books…looking at prices, meandering around the knife area like it was candy. Back over to the cookbooks, back over to the knives. Then I hear a dude talking to an older gentleman at the knife counter all about how those knives are made. I’m in the middle of a recipe of a book I am holding and I just see this and keep reading. Weird. I stood over there forever. ANOTHER man is standing there for four seconds and another employee addresses him immediately.
I guess only men buy knives. I mean I was pulling out all the cool knife carrying bags, looking at knife books, flipping knives around to find the prices. Then I milled around the store some more and I’d come back.
I chose a knife, chose a book and walked around some more. Saw another man get helped at the knife counter and it just hit me – I don’t need to give this place my money. It’s as invisible here as I am. BYEEEEEE. I set everything down and left. About $80 worth. Yes I could have said I NEED HELP – but this is how this went down, I’m just reporting my experience. Fuck them,
I wasn’t angry…I am just realizing my own value and how others do not. Toodle loo.
I then went to the Boulder Book Store. I cozied up in a chair, I asked for help in finding some stuff, I read some books and chose a nutrition book and a Japanese to English translation book.
I’m on the verge of possibly being hired as a chef in training at a Japanese restaurant. Needless to say, an opportunity of a lifetime for a middle aged white lady. He sees me. In the interview, the owner conducted BTW…
(I went to an interview a few days before that the owner had set up, but sent a grunt to interview me…while he sat at the bar eating and drinking—see…I researched the place, I knew he was the owner, I loved that he’s built this up from a food cart on the mall to a brick and mortar. But he could not be bothered. The kid interviewing me said “I think you’d be a great fit’ I’m like ‘based on what? I’m a warm body?’ He didn’t even have my resume in front of him. The owner did come over, but just to take a poster out of the window and hit this guy on the head with it and also completely ignore me and never look at me or acknowledge me. BYEEEEEEEEEEE. Have fun with hiring warm bodies.)
So the Japanese owner is interviewing me. He has opened a restaurant at 62, I tell him I am inspired by him. I am 52 and pursuing a new career as well. The GM is there too, he is suspicious of my resume and short times at each place. I tell him yes, this is true. There are two places on there owned by the same people and it was me just trying to gain experience and find the right environment. Trying to break into a new career is hard. I was doing hair at the time of this change. I now want to be challenged and do something besides burgers and pizza.
I am to go back tomorrow to meet the current chef and see how that goes. ‘She is about your age too.’ I am so elated to hear this. I raise my fists in celebration. He tells me he has to talk to other people, and I have to meet Akemi but can I start next Wed? YES. I say.
I am already picturing myself there. I have purchased a Japanese to English Bilingual Dictionary with pictures. I’m visual. I fantasize being asked to move to Japan to run a restaurant. My delusions of grandeur or am I manifesting? I don’t know. I am trying to enjoy life and go on adventures. I am trying to be positive and realistic about my expectations. This will be challenging. It will be hard. I will be judged constantly. I will be expected to be a manager and to run the kitchen. I said ‘Why are you hiring someone with no experience in Japanese cooking?’ They said they have their recipes and they want them followed with no changes. When someone has their own training they have their own ideas and they don’t make the food how it should be made. This is true. They also said they will happily collaborate on new ideas but not with things already on the menu. I respect this and always have. Even when I was making sandwiches and pizza. The customer should get the same product no matter what time or day they come in-no matter who is in the kitchen. It builds confidence in the whole dining experience. I think he liked that.
I interview great. I do not lie or charm. If its not a good fit we all need to know this right away.
This is going to be incredible and life changing if this is happening, It’s truly a huge giant fluke to be honest. I quit my seemingly other DREAM JOB that turned into a virtual doctrinating nightmare of a process into the non profit cult world and two days later this comes up. I know it will be hard. Everyone in the kitchen is young, male and Japanese. They all speak Japanese in the kitchen. I have everything to gain but it will be a challenge. Like the food labels? My poor eyesight…I need new glasses…my grief brain…all of it. I am ready for this I think. I’m trying to be real.
I will be learning how to make beautiful Japanese food. This is an opportunity of a lifetime. He said his last chef is moving to China to open his second restaurant he is opening there. This is happening.
I am going to another interview this morning, just to stay open and not lose opportunities if THIS one doesn’t happen. I will be a stage at a kind of fancy place that also has a female chef. I said I was excited about that and she was all ‘meh’ and told me I would be working with Patrick and interview with her later. I will be a grunt, everyone will be watching me and every move I make and reporting back to the chef. It is stressful. I can only do what I can do. I have one knife.
I’m 52 years old.
This is happening.